Once in a while, I find a book that I wish I could put directly into the hands of everyone who is struggling with a certain topic. When a friend recommended Rachel Friedman’s book And Then We Grew Up: On Creativity, Potential, and the Imperfect Art of Adulthood, I was excited to read it, but I had no idea how much it would speak to some of the core issues that thirtysomethings struggle with. I highlighted the book within an inch of its life, and I knew I had to talk to Rachel and share her insights with you all.
Dating in your thirties can be discouraging, demoralizing, and exhausting.
If you’re a single 30something and want badly to find a partner, what used to be fun and exciting can take on a different weight and urgency.
Some of us always assumed we’d be partnered and settled down with “the one” by now, and are surprised and frustrated to find ourselves still single, exhausted from the search, and scared that “it” will never happen.
What’s wrong with me?
Sure, I’m not perfect, but I’m reasonably attractive, interesting, and smart.
I’ve been putting myself out there, making the time to go on dates, and it just isn’t working. I’m just not meeting anyone. Well, not anyone who’s right for me.
“You are not the only person feeling the feelings that you’re feeling. You’re not the only person struggling with [these] issues…you’re not alone.” —Kristin Russo
“You have to learn to love yourself for a million different reasons.” —Dannielle Owens-Reid
I know that lot of you are asking yourselves one or more of these HUGE questions:
I get that vulnerability is important—but it’s so hard!! How do I make myself vulnerable enough to connect to people and be honest about who I am—even when it’s scary to be my real self?
How do I cheer up and find laughter and happiness, even when everything sucks?
How do I learn to love and accept myself?
How can I get help with questions I’m too embarrassed or afraid to ask?
How do I quit my day job to follow my purpose and forge my own path?
How do I come out or transition when I’m already in my thirties?
My kid just came out to me…OMG. What do I do?!?
You are in major luck: I have some amazing answers to every single one of these questions for you.
Are you always re-resolving to “be more present” and “enjoy life more,” only to get knocked down by the bumps in the road of your life?
Do you struggle to handle emotions like sadness, anger, guilt, jealousy, and loneliness?
Do you feel like you suck at meditating, because you just can’t stop your always-working mind?
Do you try to engage in a mindfulness or centering practice, but you feel like you’re doing it all wrong? Like you can’t breathe the way you’re “supposed” to?
Get thee to a bookstore or library, STAT.
This book changed my life.
When I work with clients in career transition, it’s common for them to talk about wanting more money like it’s a bad thing.
Many people, especially women, have been taught, consciously or unconsciously, that it is wrong to want to make a lot of money.
Some of my clients say, “Welllllll…I’d like to…make more money,” with something akin to shame in their voices.
Some will very forcefully clarify that they do NOT want to be rich. “Not too much!!! Just…enough.”
I’m here to put a stake in the ground today: there is nothing wrong, bad, selfish, or shameful about you if you want to make more money.
When you’re hurting from a breakup, and exhausted with spending so much time sifting through the mess and emotional wreckage in your own head and heart, turning to an old or new literary friend can be just the medicine you need.
Diving into a good book helps you change your mental scenery and pulls you out of your doldrums (at least for an hour or two).
When you see romantic adventures and misadventures through a character’s eyes, you connect with the universal joys and pains of being a human in (or out) of love. You feel less alone.
In other words, getting lost in a good book can help you feel found.
Today, I’m sharing with you the books I turn to when I need to get away and to remember I’m not alone.
Since this month is all about getting into action on your big goals, I want to share one of my favorite resources to help you break through action’s archenemy (dun dun dunnnnn!): procrastination.
If you identify as a procrastinator, you are not alone. Like those who can’t get out of bed in the morning, most people who are intense procrastinators feel deep shame about their habit—and have no idea how large this club’s membership truly is.
I’ve found The Now Habit by Neil Fiore, Ph.D. to be a phenomenal resource for many clients who struggle with procrastination. Fiore helps you figure out why you are procrastinating and offers concrete exercises and strategies to overcome the most common blocks to getting started.