Transitions

What Do We Know? A “Game” to Play When You Feel Lost

2 Comments / Career Change and Fulfillment, Everything, Relationships, Transitions /
Feeling lost?

When you’re in the midst of a career change, sometimes it can feel like you have no idea who you are or where you’re going.

It’s disconcerting to look ahead and see a big question mark.

We often feel grounded by what we do for a living—we hook our identity onto it.

This is encouraged by a culture where the question “So, what do you do?” is often the first point of connection after “What is your name?” when meeting someone new.

Similarly, your whole internal identity can feel called into question when you’ve just ended—or are considering ending—a long-term relationship.

Even if you consider yourself a pretty independent lady or fella, putting a big question mark next to a human constant in your life can start the identity wheel spinning.

When you’re feeling confused, unrooted, and uncertain due to a huge looming question mark, here’s a little game you can play, inspired by one of my favorite TV programs growing up. …

What Do We Know? A “Game” to Play When You Feel LostRead More »

What Do We Know? A “Game” to Play When You Feel Lost Read More »

What Will You Miss? Consider the Big Yellow Taxi Factor

6 Comments / Career Change and Fulfillment, Everything, Happiness, Relationships, Transitions /

Picture this:

It’s Saturday night, and you’re all alone, sitting on the couch, drinking wine by yourself and watching a sappy movie. The phone isn’t ringing. You have no one to talk to, nowhere to go, and nothing to do.

…

What just came up for you?

If you are like some of my clients, the singles who long to be grounded in partnership and family, it’s likely you thought, “How depressing.”

And then, maybe, “FML.”

If you are like some of my other clients, such as the mother who can hardly believe that there was a time she had a moment to herself, but knows in hazy half-memory that she did once, and fears that she never will again, it’s likely you got a dreamy look on your face and thought, “How divine.”

And then, maybe, “FML.”

The same scenario; radically different interpretations and experiences.

Perspective is everything.

How can you create perspective for yourself, when you so powerfully long for some part of your life to be different?

Today I have a great exercise for you that will help you do just that. …

What Will You Miss? Consider the Big Yellow Taxi FactorRead More »

What Will You Miss? Consider the Big Yellow Taxi Factor Read More »

Move On

3 Comments / Career Change and Fulfillment, Everything, Relationships, Transitions /

Moving on can be really scary.

When I was in the process of making my own huge career leap, a song I hadn’t thought about in years suddenly came into my head one morning (a Sunday morning, as it happened!).

No coincidence—this was right at the no-turning-back-now time when I needed to hear the message of the song most.

The song was “Move On,” from Stephen Sondheim’s musical Sunday in the Park with George.

In the song, George, an artist, is totally stuck because he feels he has nothing new to add to the world; nothing to say that hasn’t been said.

Then Dot, his ex, shows up to talk to him.

Well, sort of.

It’s complicated and involves what I’ll describe for brevity’s sake as time travel. I won’t go into a thorough explanation of all the plot points that lead to this song—that’s all you really need to know.

Through this song, Dot gives George a powerful pep-talk-kick-in-the-ass combo based on her own bold leap into change.

Even if you’re not into musicals, “Move On” is a perfect career change anthem. …

Move OnRead More »

Move On Read More »

Stayer’s Guilt: Why Didn’t I End the Relationship, Leave That Job, or Make That Move Sooner?

2 Comments / Breakups, Career Change and Fulfillment, Everything, Moving, Relationships, Transitions /

When I work with people who have decided to make a major change in their relationships or careers, one of the most common themes I hear is regret about having waited until now:

“I knew things weren’t going well. Why didn’t I end it sooner?”
“I wasted so much time.”
“I could have been over this and moving on a year ago, but instead I stayed stuck.”
“All those years and nothing to show for it.”
“I lost x months/years of my life.”
“I knew in my heart it was time to go…but I stayed for years.”
“All my friends told me I should leave, but I didn’t listen.”
“If only…I just wish…Why couldn’t I have…”

Today I want to teach you a 6-step process that will help you banish the guilt and self-punishing and help you turn that “doomed” relationship or “dead-end” job into one of the best things that ever happened to you—even after the fact. …

Stayer’s Guilt: Why Didn’t I End the Relationship, Leave That Job, or Make That Move Sooner?Read More »

Stayer’s Guilt: Why Didn’t I End the Relationship, Leave That Job, or Make That Move Sooner? Read More »

How to Break out of Your Breakup Rut (Or: 15 Things to Do Instead When You Really, Really Want to Call Him/Her)

Leave a Comment / Breakups, Relationships, Transitions /

If you’re in a no-contact reboot period (something I highly recommend for many breakup situations), there are going to be times when it is really hard not to pick up that phone or send that email.

There will also be times when it feels impossible to stop that vicious spin cycle of toxic thoughts in your head.

Print out this list and keep it on your bedside table, desk, or fridge until you are through your breakup. That way, when you find yourself:

reaching for that phone to call your ex in spite of yourself

constantly checking and rechecking your ex’s Facebook page

or just lying in a lethargic lump on your couch, replaying the same conversations over and over in your head,

…all you have to do is pick up the list and choose something. Make yourself just do it. If the toxic breakup gremlin tries to pull you back into inaction or unwanted action, say, “Thank you for inviting me, but I’m busy right now.” …

How to Break out of Your Breakup Rut (Or: 15 Things to Do Instead When You Really, Really Want to Call Him/Her)Read More »

How to Break out of Your Breakup Rut (Or: 15 Things to Do Instead When You Really, Really Want to Call Him/Her) Read More »

Saying Yes to Your Pain

8 Comments / Breakups, Everything, Relationships, Transitions /

This is an article for grownups—but it begins with a little story about children.

At the beginning of my first career, when I was a new teacher, I thought it was my job to fix the problems my students brought to me.

If I couldn’t solve the problem, I thought, it meant I was failing. Failing the kids, failing their parents, failing myself.

No pressure, right?! …

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Saying Yes to Your Pain Read More »

Can’t Let Go? Try Holding On Instead.

2 Comments / Breakups, Career Change and Fulfillment, Happiness, Moving, Relationships, Transitions /

When it comes to things we can’t control, people often advise us to let go.

When it comes to moving on from an ended relationship or job, we push ourselves to let go.

When it comes to, well, coming, we’re told the secret is to let go!

It seems like the right idea—after all, we want to move on or get past whatever isn’t working, and letting go seems like the only way to do that. Sometimes, though, letting go sounds good in theory, but is near to impossible to achieve in practice. …

Can’t Let Go? Try Holding On Instead.Read More »

Can’t Let Go? Try Holding On Instead. Read More »

6 Toxic Breakup Thoughts to Call Bullsh*t On

5 Comments / Breakups, Everything, Happiness, Relationships, Transitions /

While your heart is aching, your head is racing.

During a breakup, the same old thoughts tend to run through our heads on a spin cycle.

These thoughts are totally normal and downright predictable in the wake of a breakup, but they can become toxic if they’re allowed to spin too long, and they deliver a relentless diet of guilt, sadness, and regret.

When I work with clients at “breakup ground zero,” I hear these thoughts emerge again and again. If your thoughts are holding you back from moving on, it’s time to stare them in the face and call them what they are: total BS.

Here are some of the most common and compelling toxic breakup thoughts, along with the reasons why it’s time to kick them to the curb.

…

6 Toxic Breakup Thoughts to Call Bullsh*t OnRead More »

6 Toxic Breakup Thoughts to Call Bullsh*t On Read More »