Are you dealing with Thirtysomething Panic?
You’re in the right place. I’m here to help you create a new road map and get in the driver’s seat of your life.
Welcome!
Are you dealing with Thirtysomething Panic?
Thinking about a career change, but don’t know where to start?
Struggling to find a partner or get over a breakup?
Moving to a new place and looking for support with your transition?
Trying to improve your relationships with family and friends?
I’m here to help.
I’m Carrie Spaulding, The Thirtysomething Coach®. Supporting you with warmth, expertise, integrity, and humor, I’m here to help you create the relationships, career, and life you love.
Together we’ll help you find clarity on what you want, move through fear and overwhelm, create a plan with manageable steps, and get beyond talking and into action.
ThirtyWHAAAT?
Your thirties are one special time. Right?!
When we are young, we develop an image of what a “Real Grownup” is.
Most of us carry a picture in our minds of what we will do, be, and have when we have arrived at true adulthood. This picture comes from our own hopes and dreams, the models we have in our lives, and the implicit and explicit messages we get from our parents and teachers and the media.
All along, throughout your childhood and teen years [and, if you’re anything like most of my clients, throughout your twenties], this Real Grownup is a Someone Else. Then, one day you wake up and you realize—it’s supposed to be you!
Having carried this picture of what we “should” be into our thirties, many of us feel like imposters as we compare ourselves to that image and don’t see ourselves measuring up!
When you start to see the gaps between who you thought you’d be when you were a Real Grownup and who you are now, it can be disconcerting to say the least.
You scroll down your Facebook feed and see the posts of people you went to elementary school with, holding their second and third babies, getting married, celebrating promotions at companies that sound really glamorous and important. We all started in the same place, you think. We took our spelling tests next to each other and were in the same seventh grade science class and now she’s taking care of three children and I’m proud of myself if I have cereal in the house. What if I had taken that path? Should I have taken that path?
How did I get so behind? What’s the secret? What am I doing wrong?
Angst-Inducing Areas of Life
Thirtysomething Panic can show up in all areas of your life at once, or in one area in particular. Here are a few common ones.
Career
Many of us grew up with the idea that we’d begin on a career path in our twenties and be well-established professionals by our thirtieth birthdays.
We were brought up with the message, “You can do anything you want to do, and be anything you want to be!” Many of us heard that as “You can do everything you want to do, and be everything you want to be!” and some of us internalized, “You should do everything, and be everything!” Pressure much?
What’s more, the so-called “typical” path has changed. We no longer live in a world where most people start out in a company and stay there.
If you’ve hopped from job to job, or landed on a career path that’s not a match for who you are, you can start to feel very lost…or very stuck.
Relationships
Whether you’re single, recovering from a breakup and starting over, or in a relationship that’s not thriving, relationship challenges in your thirties can take on a different weight. Some of us always assumed we’d be partnered and settled down with “the one” by now, and are surprised and frustrated to find ourselves still single. Some of us have partnerships that don’t match the image we had.
Our friendships can feel uncomfortably transient. The changes in our friends’ lives can throw our own lives into transition. As those we’ve been close to move away, get married, or have children, we can feel our social circles shrinking and shifting. You may find yourself in your thirties and feeling like you no longer have a satisfying group of friends. Or maybe you never did quite feel socially content, and you wonder what’s wrong with you…why didn’t you ever find your tribe?
We start to deal with our parents aging and suddenly realize that the relationship we’ve always had with them (functional or dysfunctional) needs some tweaking now that we are all adults. If we’re still single, many of us deal with pressure of the Bridget Jones variety (tick tock, tick tock!).
If you’re a parent yourself, you may struggle to communicate with your children. The social drama starts way sooner than you remember it starting. It’s hard to know when to get involved, and how. You had an image of who you’d be as a parent, and who your children would be. But your child is her own person and didn’t come with an instruction manual!
Geography
In your thirties, a big move can be daunting. Starting over in a new city means establishing new roots and seeking new friends at a time when many people around us seem settled and rooted already.
Gray Hair Already?!?!?
Don’t forget all the physical changes we didn’t know would happen so soon!
When I was a kid I thought people got gray hair when they were 60. Nothing could have prepared me for the night I was brushing my teeth and spotted my very first (well, first that I was aware of) gray hair in the mirror. I knew it was coming, but in the same way you know you’ll die someday—intellectually, but not really.
Parts of your body that were always willing to go along with your plans suddenly start demanding special attention.
Suddenly your smile leaves a line on your face that doesn’t go away after a moment.
Soooooo…What Can You DO About This?!?!
If you are ready to break through your thirtysomething rut, you’re in the right place. My passion is helping people like you get unstuck and create a life that’s thirtyAWESOME.
I can help you get into action to achieve your goals–even if you’re not sure yet exactly what you want. I’ll help you gain clarity, create a vision, identify an action plan with manageable steps to achieve that vision, and hold you accountable and champion you as you work toward your goals.
I coach by telephone and video conference, making me available to you regardless of your location. Coaching by telephone or video conference gives you ultimate flexibility! Travel time is eliminated, and you can have your sessions in the comfort of your home, your office, or even when you are on vacation. The privacy and convenience of phone and video sessions is often a perfect fit for those with a busy schedule.
What Next?
My Story
I never thought I’d be one of those people.
As a 20something, I would hear my slightly older friends moaning and groaning about their impending thirtieth birthdays.
Though I didn’t say anything, inwardly I thought, What’s the big deal?! It’s just a number, not much different from any other birthday, really! If we weren’t in the base 10 number system, 30 wouldn’t even be remarkable.
While I tried to say encouraging things to my friends who were panicking on the precipice of 30, I took comfort in knowing that I wasn’t the kind of person who would freak out over something so superficial.
Cut to a few years later, and imagine me near hyperventilation.
How did this happen?! I inwardly screeched.
