Heart Medicine: Books to Immerse Yourself in after a Breakup

When you’re hurting from a breakup, and exhausted with spending so much time sifting through the mess and emotional wreckage in your own head and heart, turning to an old or new literary friend can be just the medicine you need.

Diving into a good book helps you change your mental scenery and pulls you out of your doldrums (at least for an hour or two).

When you see romantic adventures and misadventures through a character’s eyes, you connect with the universal joys and pains of being a human in (or out) of love. You feel less alone.

In other words, getting lost in a good book can help you feel found.

Today, I’m sharing with you the books I turn to when I need to get away and to remember I’m not alone. …

Be Yours: 7 Ways to Love Yourself and Be Your Own Valentine This Valentine’s Day

Whether you’re reeling from a recent breakup or happily single, February 14th can be a tricky day to navigate when you’re flying solo.

For the weeks leading up to Valentine’s Day, we’re bashed over the head with messages of coupledom. It’s only natural to want to be able to join in on the lovefest.

This Valentine’s Day, I challenge you to love yourself most of all.

On the day of luuuuuv, here are 7 things for you to do for that special someone (I’m talking about YOU). …

Saying Yes to Your Pain

This is an article for grownups—but it begins with a little story about children.

At the beginning of my first career, when I was a new teacher, I thought it was my job to fix the problems my students brought to me.

If I couldn’t solve the problem, I thought, it meant I was failing. Failing the kids, failing their parents, failing myself.

No pressure, right?! …

Embracing the Green-Eyed Monster: How to Use Jealousy as a Diagnostic Tool

If you are in a relationship, and jealous of that hilarious (and hot! Why does s/he have to be so hot!?) person your partner is talking to…

or if you are single, but feel jealous of those incredibly confident, gorgeous, and put-together people around you…

or if you feel like you’re going crazy with jealousy over someone your ex is dating…

or if you’re starting to think nasty thoughts about that rockstar at work who everyone just loves!

First of all, that is totally, completely, absolutely normal.

Whether or not they show it outwardly, just about everyone feels jealous at one time or another.

But I know…it sucks. …

Can’t Let Go? Try Holding On Instead.

When it comes to things we can’t control, people often advise us to let go.

When it comes to moving on from an ended relationship or job, we push ourselves to let go.

When it comes to, well, coming, we’re told the secret is to let go!

It seems like the right idea—after all, we want to move on or get past whatever isn’t working, and letting go seems like the only way to do that. Sometimes, though, letting go sounds good in theory, but is near to impossible to achieve in practice. …

6 Toxic Breakup Thoughts to Call Bullsh*t On

While your heart is aching, your head is racing.

During a breakup, the same old thoughts tend to run through our heads on a spin cycle.

These thoughts are totally normal and downright predictable in the wake of a breakup, but they can become toxic if they’re allowed to spin too long, and they deliver a relentless diet of guilt, sadness, and regret.

When I work with clients at “breakup ground zero,” I hear these thoughts emerge again and again. If your thoughts are holding you back from moving on, it’s time to stare them in the face and call them what they are: total BS.

Here are some of the most common and compelling toxic breakup thoughts, along with the reasons why it’s time to kick them to the curb.

How to Get over 20s (or 30s, 40s, 50s…) Regret

When reaching a “breakthrough moment” in creating positive changes in their lives, many of my clients say things like,

“I just wish I’d figured this all out sooner.”

“If only I hadn’t wasted that time in my 20s, I’d have it all together by now.”

“Why did it take me so long to see this?”

When you’ve hit upon a discovery and/or finally taken action that makes you much happier than you’ve ever been, it’s only natural to wish that you could have made that discovery or taken that action in the first place! …

Handling the Holidays When You’re in Transition: 7 Steps to Take Care of Yourself

No doubt about it—the winter holidays can be particularly poignant when you’re in transition.

This time of year is a common “taking-stock” time. As you go to festive parties or head home for the holidays, you can’t help but think about what your life was like this time last year, and the year before, and the year before.

If things were better last year—you had a job you loved, or you were in a great relationship, or you were happily single instead of dealing with the fresh heartbreak upon you now—the comparison can feel really sad, frustrating, or overwhelming.

On the other hand, holidays can be a time of deep awareness of what hasn’t changed.

If last year you vowed that this would be the year you finally (fill in the blank), the realization that it wasn’t can hit hard.

If you were stuck last year, and you’re still stuck now, still feeling in transition, you can get sucked into a defeatist mentality. “I’ll never figure it out.” “I haven’t made any progress.” “I guess I’m just the messed up sister.” …