Everything – Page 8 – The Thirtysomething Coach®

What Will You Miss? Consider the Big Yellow Taxi Factor

6 Comments / Career Change and Fulfillment, Everything, Happiness, Relationships, Transitions / Carrie

Picture this:

It’s Saturday night, and you’re all alone, sitting on the couch, drinking wine by yourself and watching a sappy movie. The phone isn’t ringing. You have no one to talk to, nowhere to go, and nothing to do.

…

What just came up for you?

If you are like some of my clients, the singles who long to be grounded in partnership and family, it’s likely you thought, “How depressing.”

And then, maybe, “FML.”

If you are like some of my other clients, such as the mother who can hardly believe that there was a time she had a moment to herself, but knows in hazy half-memory that she did once, and fears that she never will again, it’s likely you got a dreamy look on your face and thought, “How divine.”

And then, maybe, “FML.”

The same scenario; radically different interpretations and experiences.

Perspective is everything.

How can you create perspective for yourself, when you so powerfully long for some part of your life to be different?

Today I have a great exercise for you that will help you do just that. …

What Will You Miss? Consider the Big Yellow Taxi FactorRead More »

What Will You Miss? Consider the Big Yellow Taxi Factor Read More »

Pity Parties and Relationship Tantrums

5 Comments / Everything, Relationships / Carrie

Smart women — Do you throw relationship tantrums?

A couple weeks ago, I broke one of my favorite mugs.

There are a million and a half metaphors here, but today I’m writing about three literal instances of breaking things, and what they can teach us about some common, but destructive, relationship behavior.

My best friend gave me this mug over a decade ago, for my first year as a school teacher.

“Smart Women THIRST for knowledge,” the mug proclaimed.

Every single school day for nine years, that mug held the tea and coffee that helped to power me. On hard days, reading the mug gave me a little boost.

And now it’s broken.

Don’t worry—I’m not throwing myself a pity party.

But I AM going to tell you about a pity party I threw a long time ago. And I bet you’ve thrown the same party.

…

Pity Parties and Relationship TantrumsRead More »

Pity Parties and Relationship Tantrums Read More »

Spring Fever, or Spring Forward? How to Use Spring Break to Help Your Child Finish the School Year Strong

Leave a Comment / Everything, Parents/Educators / Carrie

Whether you’re going on an active adventure, relaxing on a remote beach or in a quiet cabin, staying cozy at home, or visiting extended family, spring break is a perfect opportunity to connect and reflect with your child in a relaxed, connection-fostering setting.

Understandably, many parents wait until the end of the school year to take stock of their children’s progress. While it’s totally natural to associate reflection with an endpoint, waiting for the end of the year is a major missed opportunity for a couple of reasons. …

Spring Fever, or Spring Forward? How to Use Spring Break to Help Your Child Finish the School Year StrongRead More »

Spring Fever, or Spring Forward? How to Use Spring Break to Help Your Child Finish the School Year Strong Read More »

It’s Okay to Want to Make Money (and Recommended Reading: Overcoming Underearning)

2 Comments / Career Change and Fulfillment, Everything, Happiness, Recommended Reading / Carrie

When I work with clients in career transition, it’s common for them to talk about wanting more money like it’s a bad thing.

Many people, especially women, have been taught, consciously or unconsciously, that it is wrong to want to make a lot of money.

Some of my clients say, “Welllllll…I’d like to…make more money,” with something akin to shame in their voices.

Some will very forcefully clarify that they do NOT want to be rich. “Not too much!!! Just…enough.”

I’m here to put a stake in the ground today: there is nothing wrong, bad, selfish, or shameful about you if you want to make more money. …

It’s Okay to Want to Make Money (and Recommended Reading: Overcoming Underearning)Read More »

It’s Okay to Want to Make Money (and Recommended Reading: Overcoming Underearning) Read More »

Why Conflict Is Awesome

Leave a Comment / Everything, Parents/Educators / Carrie

“She’s being mean to me!” “He did it on purpose!” Many of us get knots in our stomachs from trying to untie the arguments and tricky social dynamics our children get into!

When the question “How was school today?” brings tears to your child’s eyes, it’s only natural that you want to do whatever you can to help. Chances are, your instinct is to solve the problem, and do it fast—to prevent your child from having to feel any more pain. This is totally normal and understandable! However, if you are always the fixer, your child will learn that others have to fix problems for him or her.

Instead of fostering learned helplessness, help your child develop empowerment and a sense of agency. Asking for help is important—but it is just part of what an effective person does to take care of him- or herself. Here are six foundational concepts to help you lean into the powerful growing opportunities presented by social conflicts, and get in a “facilitating” vs. “fixing” state of mind. …

Why Conflict Is AwesomeRead More »

Why Conflict Is Awesome Read More »

Move On

3 Comments / Career Change and Fulfillment, Everything, Relationships, Transitions / Carrie

Moving on can be really scary.

When I was in the process of making my own huge career leap, a song I hadn’t thought about in years suddenly came into my head one morning (a Sunday morning, as it happened!).

No coincidence—this was right at the no-turning-back-now time when I needed to hear the message of the song most.

The song was “Move On,” from Stephen Sondheim’s musical Sunday in the Park with George.

In the song, George, an artist, is totally stuck because he feels he has nothing new to add to the world; nothing to say that hasn’t been said.

Then Dot, his ex, shows up to talk to him.

Well, sort of.

It’s complicated and involves what I’ll describe for brevity’s sake as time travel. I won’t go into a thorough explanation of all the plot points that lead to this song—that’s all you really need to know.

Through this song, Dot gives George a powerful pep-talk-kick-in-the-ass combo based on her own bold leap into change.

Even if you’re not into musicals, “Move On” is a perfect career change anthem. …

Move OnRead More »

Move On Read More »

Stayer’s Guilt: Why Didn’t I End the Relationship, Leave That Job, or Make That Move Sooner?

2 Comments / Breakups, Career Change and Fulfillment, Everything, Moving, Relationships, Transitions / Carrie

When I work with people who have decided to make a major change in their relationships or careers, one of the most common themes I hear is regret about having waited until now:

“I knew things weren’t going well. Why didn’t I end it sooner?”
“I wasted so much time.”
“I could have been over this and moving on a year ago, but instead I stayed stuck.”
“All those years and nothing to show for it.”
“I lost x months/years of my life.”
“I knew in my heart it was time to go…but I stayed for years.”
“All my friends told me I should leave, but I didn’t listen.”
“If only…I just wish…Why couldn’t I have…”

Today I want to teach you a 6-step process that will help you banish the guilt and self-punishing and help you turn that “doomed” relationship or “dead-end” job into one of the best things that ever happened to you—even after the fact. …

Stayer’s Guilt: Why Didn’t I End the Relationship, Leave That Job, or Make That Move Sooner?Read More »

Stayer’s Guilt: Why Didn’t I End the Relationship, Leave That Job, or Make That Move Sooner? Read More »

The Golden Dealbreaker: The No Exceptions, Bottom-Line, Non-Negotiable Reason to Accept Your Breakup and Walk Away

1 Comment / Breakups, Everything, Relationships / Carrie

As a coach, I believe wholeheartedly in the grey areas—of life, and of relationships.

Few things are black and white.

There are so many negotiables.

We choose to honor certain values over others. We decide that there is enough “right” to make it worth accepting or working on the “wrong.”

Yes—when it comes to differences, conflicts, and incompatibilities in a relationship, there is a lot you can work with.

There’s room for give and take.

There’s a place for reevaluating what you thought you needed, and being flexible enough to accept someone as they are and make the relationship work.

But there is one fundamental quality that your partner MUST have, and it’s so important that I’m willing to put a stake in the ground for it. So important, in fact, that I’ve named it the Golden Dealbreaker. It will not steer you wrong. Here it is:

…

The Golden Dealbreaker: The No Exceptions, Bottom-Line, Non-Negotiable Reason to Accept Your Breakup and Walk AwayRead More »

The Golden Dealbreaker: The No Exceptions, Bottom-Line, Non-Negotiable Reason to Accept Your Breakup and Walk Away Read More »