Everything

How to Survive an Attack of the Never-Dids

4 Comments / Breakups, Career Change and Fulfillment, Everything, Moving, Transitions /

One of the hardest parts of an ending—whether it’s the end of a relationship, a job (or a whole career), or your residence in a home or city—is the knowledge and acceptance that this will have been it.

When you’re going—really going—a particular insidious voice can show up in your head. I call this voice the Never-Dids.

“But I never finished…”

“But I/we never got to…”

“But I haven’t gotten this perfect yet.”

When there’s always a tomorrow in that place, job, or relationship, there’s always a possibility to do better, to complete more, to enjoy or experience more, to perfect and hone.

When tomorrow will find you somewhere new…that’s when the Never-Dids come out to play.
…

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The Tonsillectomy Technique: How to Get over Getting Over It

1 Comment / Breakups, Career Change and Fulfillment, Everything, Happiness, Transitions /

When I was 27, I had a tonsillectomy. After years of having horrible throat pain and other complications every time I had so much as a flicker of a cold, I finally saw an ENT who suggested I get the nasty things taken out.

He warned me that as procedures go, an adult tonsillectomy is “not pleasant.”

I nearly screamed, “I don’t care! Take them OUT!!!!!”

I was ready to put the years of tonsil torture behind me.

As it happened, in the couple of weeks before my tonsillectomy, I had fallen—hard—for someone I’d started to date.

This was one of those horse-before-the-cart deals; strongly encouraged by the signals I was seeing—and, yeah, okay, probably by some signals I wanted to see—I let myself fall way too fast. …

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The Tonsillectomy Technique: How to Get over Getting Over It Read More »

How Bad Do You Want It?

Leave a Comment / Career Change and Fulfillment, Everything, Happiness, Procrastination & Productivity, Transitions /

I used to think that people who created certain things—who built businesses, or were on the radio, or wrote books—were fundamentally a certain kind of person.

A kind I certainly wasn’t.

As if there was some sort of predestination involved—and I was not one of those people.

Because who the hell am I to think I could do that?

I always felt I had something inside me to share on a bigger scale, but it seemed downright silly or deluded to even share that feeling with myself—let alone anyone else!

Everyone and their mother thinks they have a book in them, I thought.

But one day, I was in the shower, listening to an interview of a researcher/writer on NPR, feeling a slight twinge of envy, and suddenly, I had a Duh Moment (this is my term for an Aha Moment that seems obvious to the point of idiotic in retrospect): …

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How Bad Do You Want It? Read More »

How to Go on Vacation—Right Now

2 Comments / Everything, Happiness /

“I’ve decided that I’m on vacation, indefinitely. And sometimes you have to work on vacation.”

My friend Per made this pronouncement many years ago, during a perfectly normal workweek.

It made me giggle at the time.

Now I think he was onto something.

You know those stretches where your days are so full that the weeks start to run together? Where a minute ago it was March and suddenly it’s May? I’m just coming out of one of those.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not complaining. I love what I’m doing and I’m full of gratitude to be doing a lot of it.

That said, last week I hit the point where I felt I could really use a little break. …

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Instead of a Bucket List, How about a F*ck It List?

4 Comments / Everything, Happiness, Transitions /

By the time you’re in your thirties, you’ve been carrying around a lot of “shoulds” and “somedays” and “by the times” and “when I’ms” for a long time.

There are the promises you made to yourself as a little kid—“When I grow up, I’m going to_______!”

There are the dreams you grew in high school and college.

There are the frameworks you got from your family model of what you should or would emulate someday.

It’s important to hold onto to your dreams, and it’s never too late to go after the ones that are really important to you. When you’ve lost your way, tapping back into your earliest childhood dreams can be profoundly helpful in finding clarity.

But sometimes you outgrow a dream without realizing it, and instead of being fueled by the inspiring energy of the dream, what you carry around with you is the “should have” and the “have to” and the “still haven’t gotten around to” roughage of having this unaccomplished item on your bucket list.

As these bucket list items keep getting added over time, the accumulation can really start to weigh on you. …

Instead of a Bucket List, How about a F*ck It List?Read More »

Instead of a Bucket List, How about a F*ck It List? Read More »

How to Break through Procrastination…by Procrastinating

Leave a Comment / Everything, Procrastination & Productivity /

Never in my life has my living space been neater than it was during college finals.

Truth be told, I have never been the naturally neatest person.

(Somewhere out there, my parents are laughing and thinking, “That’s the understatement of the year!”)

But you would not have guessed that to see my room in college.

For four years, everything had a place.

My bed was always made, my desk always organized, with nary a paper clip astray.

How?

How did I maintain such a neat and tidy space when my room at home was always a disaster area? …

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How to Break through Procrastination…by Procrastinating Read More »

What Do We Know? A “Game” to Play When You Feel Lost

2 Comments / Career Change and Fulfillment, Everything, Relationships, Transitions /
Feeling lost?

When you’re in the midst of a career change, sometimes it can feel like you have no idea who you are or where you’re going.

It’s disconcerting to look ahead and see a big question mark.

We often feel grounded by what we do for a living—we hook our identity onto it.

This is encouraged by a culture where the question “So, what do you do?” is often the first point of connection after “What is your name?” when meeting someone new.

Similarly, your whole internal identity can feel called into question when you’ve just ended—or are considering ending—a long-term relationship.

Even if you consider yourself a pretty independent lady or fella, putting a big question mark next to a human constant in your life can start the identity wheel spinning.

When you’re feeling confused, unrooted, and uncertain due to a huge looming question mark, here’s a little game you can play, inspired by one of my favorite TV programs growing up. …

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What Do We Know? A “Game” to Play When You Feel Lost Read More »

What Will You Miss? Consider the Big Yellow Taxi Factor

6 Comments / Career Change and Fulfillment, Everything, Happiness, Relationships, Transitions /

Picture this:

It’s Saturday night, and you’re all alone, sitting on the couch, drinking wine by yourself and watching a sappy movie. The phone isn’t ringing. You have no one to talk to, nowhere to go, and nothing to do.

…

What just came up for you?

If you are like some of my clients, the singles who long to be grounded in partnership and family, it’s likely you thought, “How depressing.”

And then, maybe, “FML.”

If you are like some of my other clients, such as the mother who can hardly believe that there was a time she had a moment to herself, but knows in hazy half-memory that she did once, and fears that she never will again, it’s likely you got a dreamy look on your face and thought, “How divine.”

And then, maybe, “FML.”

The same scenario; radically different interpretations and experiences.

Perspective is everything.

How can you create perspective for yourself, when you so powerfully long for some part of your life to be different?

Today I have a great exercise for you that will help you do just that. …

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What Will You Miss? Consider the Big Yellow Taxi Factor Read More »