Who are you going to be?
From the time we are children, each October brings up a crucial question for many of us.
That question gets passed around the playground, fills our dinner conversations, and dances in our minds as we fall asleep at night.
Who are you going to be for Halloween??
As a grown-ass woman, I have a number of thirtysomething friends who are obsessed with Halloween.
For weeks leading up to the last day of October, the conversation grows more and more feverish: Who are we going to be?!?
At this time of year when it’s a common question to ask others, “Who are you going to be?” I invite you to ask yourself that question in a new way.
Are you always re-resolving to “be more present” and “enjoy life more,” only to get knocked down by the bumps in the road of your life?
Do you struggle to handle emotions like sadness, anger, guilt, jealousy, and loneliness?
Do you feel like you suck at meditating, because you just can’t stop your always-working mind?
Do you try to engage in a mindfulness or centering practice, but you feel like you’re doing it all wrong? Like you can’t breathe the way you’re “supposed” to?
Get thee to a bookstore or library, STAT.
This book changed my life.
Do you wish you could deal with change more effectively?
Live in the present moment?
Be more confident in situations where you feel out of control?
Trust yourself to think on your feet?
As a professional improviser, I’m always finding connections between the skills that improvisers practice and use and the skills that many of us strive to cultivate in our professional and personal lives.
Do you struggle to communicate with confidence?
Do networking and dating make you suuuuper-nervous or exhausted?
Are you intimidated by striking up conversations with new people?
Do you wonder how some people make it look so easy?
You are not alone.
For LOTS of us, talking to people can be scary!
But there’s no doubt about it: relationships are central to everything in our lives, and communication is central to every relationship.
That’s why one of the most important and fundamental steps you can take to improve your relationships, career, and your life is to be a confident, powerful, and effective communicator.
Good news! I just taught a free class on this subject, and I’m sharing it with you today.
Sometimes you need a helping hand…
On this fourth of July, I’m thinking a lot about interdependence.
I’ll tell you a little (soon-to-be-former) secret:
I have been dealing with a problematic home situation for some time now.
I won’t go into all the hows and whys of my particular challenges, but suffice it to say it was time to make that sh*t a priority.
My stuff—and my life—just aren’t working optimally in the space I have!!
Instead of feeling warm, cozy, inviting, and open, my home has been feeling cramped, squished, blocked, and totally not aligned with my otherwise thirtyawesome life.
I’ve never been blessed with strong spatial imagination skills.
While I consider myself a very creative person, I am not someone who walks into a physical space and immediately sees the optimal arrangement or the possibilities.
After too long living in this draining environment, it became clear:
I need help.
“I had no idea what I was going to do…I had zero plan… Now I realize what a gift it was.”
Meet Diane Matkowski. She has been a lab aide, a landscape gardener, a car salesperson, a massage therapist, and a business owner.
Join me as I talk to Diane about her multi-stop hop on a career path that led to opening her own business.
Are you thinking, “I could never do that!”?
Well, Diane had nooooo idea that would ever be possible for her, either.
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Monday and George are on the case.
When you’re in the midst of a career change, sometimes it can feel like you have no idea who you are or where you’re going.
It’s disconcerting to look ahead and see a big question mark.
We often feel grounded by what we do for a living—we hook our identity onto it.
This is encouraged by a culture where the question “So, what do you do?” is often the first point of connection after “What is your name?” when meeting someone new.
Similarly, your whole internal identity can feel called into question when you’ve just ended—or are considering ending—a long-term relationship.
Even if you consider yourself a pretty independent lady or fella, putting a big question mark next to a human constant in your life can start the identity wheel spinning.
When you’re feeling confused, unrooted, and uncertain due to a huge looming question mark, here’s a little game you can play, inspired by one of my favorite TV programs growing up.
When you look at this picture, what do you see?
It’s Saturday night, and you’re all alone, sitting on the couch, drinking wine by yourself and watching a sappy movie. The phone isn’t ringing. You have no one to talk to, nowhere to go, and nothing to do.
What just came up for you?
If you are like some of my clients, the singles who long to be grounded in partnership and family, it’s likely you thought, “How depressing.”
And then, maybe, “FML.”
If you are like some of my other clients, such as the mother who can hardly believe that there was a time she had a moment to herself, but knows in hazy half-memory that she did once, and fears that she never will again, it’s likely you got a dreamy look on your face and thought, “How divine.”
And then, maybe, “FML.”
The same scenario; radically different interpretations and experiences.
Perspective is everything.
How can you create perspective for yourself, when you so powerfully long for some part of your life to be different?
Today I have a great exercise for you that will help you do just that.