Why Conflict Is Awesome

Leave a Comment / Everything, Parents/Educators /

“She’s being mean to me!” “He did it on purpose!” Many of us get knots in our stomachs from trying to untie the arguments and tricky social dynamics our children get into!

When the question “How was school today?” brings tears to your child’s eyes, it’s only natural that you want to do whatever you can to help. Chances are, your instinct is to solve the problem, and do it fast—to prevent your child from having to feel any more pain. This is totally normal and understandable! However, if you are always the fixer, your child will learn that others have to fix problems for him or her.

Instead of fostering learned helplessness, help your child develop empowerment and a sense of agency. Asking for help is important—but it is just part of what an effective person does to take care of him- or herself. Here are six foundational concepts to help you lean into the powerful growing opportunities presented by social conflicts, and get in a “facilitating” vs. “fixing” state of mind. …

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Move On

3 Comments / Career Change and Fulfillment, Everything, Relationships, Transitions /

Moving on can be really scary.

When I was in the process of making my own huge career leap, a song I hadn’t thought about in years suddenly came into my head one morning (a Sunday morning, as it happened!).

No coincidence—this was right at the no-turning-back-now time when I needed to hear the message of the song most.

The song was “Move On,” from Stephen Sondheim’s musical Sunday in the Park with George.

In the song, George, an artist, is totally stuck because he feels he has nothing new to add to the world; nothing to say that hasn’t been said.

Then Dot, his ex, shows up to talk to him.

Well, sort of.

It’s complicated and involves what I’ll describe for brevity’s sake as time travel. I won’t go into a thorough explanation of all the plot points that lead to this song—that’s all you really need to know.

Through this song, Dot gives George a powerful pep-talk-kick-in-the-ass combo based on her own bold leap into change.

Even if you’re not into musicals, “Move On” is a perfect career change anthem. …

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Stayer’s Guilt: Why Didn’t I End the Relationship, Leave That Job, or Make That Move Sooner?

2 Comments / Breakups, Career Change and Fulfillment, Everything, Moving, Relationships, Transitions /

When I work with people who have decided to make a major change in their relationships or careers, one of the most common themes I hear is regret about having waited until now:

“I knew things weren’t going well. Why didn’t I end it sooner?”
“I wasted so much time.”
“I could have been over this and moving on a year ago, but instead I stayed stuck.”
“All those years and nothing to show for it.”
“I lost x months/years of my life.”
“I knew in my heart it was time to go…but I stayed for years.”
“All my friends told me I should leave, but I didn’t listen.”
“If only…I just wish…Why couldn’t I have…”

Today I want to teach you a 6-step process that will help you banish the guilt and self-punishing and help you turn that “doomed” relationship or “dead-end” job into one of the best things that ever happened to you—even after the fact. …

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Stayer’s Guilt: Why Didn’t I End the Relationship, Leave That Job, or Make That Move Sooner? Read More »

How to Break out of Your Breakup Rut (Or: 15 Things to Do Instead When You Really, Really Want to Call Him/Her)

Leave a Comment / Breakups, Relationships, Transitions /

If you’re in a no-contact reboot period (something I highly recommend for many breakup situations), there are going to be times when it is really hard not to pick up that phone or send that email.

There will also be times when it feels impossible to stop that vicious spin cycle of toxic thoughts in your head.

Print out this list and keep it on your bedside table, desk, or fridge until you are through your breakup. That way, when you find yourself:

reaching for that phone to call your ex in spite of yourself

constantly checking and rechecking your ex’s Facebook page

or just lying in a lethargic lump on your couch, replaying the same conversations over and over in your head,

…all you have to do is pick up the list and choose something. Make yourself just do it. If the toxic breakup gremlin tries to pull you back into inaction or unwanted action, say, “Thank you for inviting me, but I’m busy right now.” …

How to Break out of Your Breakup Rut (Or: 15 Things to Do Instead When You Really, Really Want to Call Him/Her)Read More »

How to Break out of Your Breakup Rut (Or: 15 Things to Do Instead When You Really, Really Want to Call Him/Her) Read More »

The Golden Dealbreaker: The No Exceptions, Bottom-Line, Non-Negotiable Reason to Accept Your Breakup and Walk Away

1 Comment / Breakups, Everything, Relationships /
Is it time for you to walk away?

As a coach, I believe wholeheartedly in the grey areas—of life, and of relationships.

Few things are black and white.

There are so many negotiables.

We choose to honor certain values over others. We decide that there is enough “right” to make it worth accepting or working on the “wrong.”

Yes—when it comes to differences, conflicts, and incompatibilities in a relationship, there is a lot you can work with.

There’s room for give and take.

There’s a place for reevaluating what you thought you needed, and being flexible enough to accept someone as they are and make the relationship work.

But there is one fundamental quality that your partner MUST have, and it’s so important that I’m willing to put a stake in the ground for it. So important, in fact, that I’ve named it the Golden Dealbreaker. It will not steer you wrong. Here it is:

…

The Golden Dealbreaker: The No Exceptions, Bottom-Line, Non-Negotiable Reason to Accept Your Breakup and Walk AwayRead More »

The Golden Dealbreaker: The No Exceptions, Bottom-Line, Non-Negotiable Reason to Accept Your Breakup and Walk Away Read More »

Heart Medicine: Books to Immerse Yourself in after a Breakup

4 Comments / Breakups, Everything, Recommended Reading, Relationships /

When you’re hurting from a breakup, and exhausted with spending so much time sifting through the mess and emotional wreckage in your own head and heart, turning to an old or new literary friend can be just the medicine you need.

Diving into a good book helps you change your mental scenery and pulls you out of your doldrums (at least for an hour or two).

When you see romantic adventures and misadventures through a character’s eyes, you connect with the universal joys and pains of being a human in (or out) of love. You feel less alone.

In other words, getting lost in a good book can help you feel found.

Today, I’m sharing with you the books I turn to when I need to get away and to remember I’m not alone. …

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Heart Medicine: Books to Immerse Yourself in after a Breakup Read More »

Be Yours: 7 Ways to Love Yourself and Be Your Own Valentine This Valentine’s Day

Leave a Comment / Breakups, Everything, Happiness, Relationships /

Whether you’re reeling from a recent breakup or happily single, February 14th can be a tricky day to navigate when you’re flying solo.

For the weeks leading up to Valentine’s Day, we’re bashed over the head with messages of coupledom. It’s only natural to want to be able to join in on the lovefest.

This Valentine’s Day, I challenge you to love yourself most of all.

On the day of luuuuuv, here are 7 things for you to do for that special someone (I’m talking about YOU). …

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Be Yours: 7 Ways to Love Yourself and Be Your Own Valentine This Valentine’s Day Read More »

The Power of Your Language: 5 Tips for Talking to Children about Conflicts

Leave a Comment / Everything, Parents/Educators /

When it comes to helping our children or students navigate conflict, our language is so important. Even when you’re not aware of it, children will often pick up on your energy and mirror it. A conflict can easily escalate or de-escalate based on the language a helping adult uses.

When you bring awareness to your language, learn and practice key communication skills, and intentionally choose language that empowers your child, you’ll completely transform the way your child experiences and navigates conflict.

Here are five tips to make your communication with children more positively impactful and empowering, even in the most difficult and painful moments. …

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The Power of Your Language: 5 Tips for Talking to Children about Conflicts Read More »